25: DEAR WHOEVER IS IN CHARGE OF MAKING POLAROID FILM: BEGIN MASS-PRODUCING IT. NOW. I REALLY DO NOT WANT TO HAVE TO PAY $2.25 PER EXPOSURE, THAT'S ABSURD. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE'S LIVES YOU ARE RUINING?... ME NEITHER, ACTUALLY. BUT I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE WHO AREN'T HAPPY ABOUT THIS.

24: DEAR MY BROTHER: TO QUOTE YOU, "IT'S AMAZING HOW MANY SHOES THERE ARE HERE AND I DON'T LIKE REALLY ANY OF THEM." LOOK. WE ARE IN AMERICA. WE CAN AFFORD *MORE THAN ONE* PAIR OF SHOES IF WE WANT. SOME PEOPLE DON'T EVEN OWN SHOES IN THIS WORLD. CALM THE HECK DOWN, AND PICK A PAIR. THEY'RE SHOES, NOT CRUCIAL LIFE DECISIONS.

23: DEAR PEOPLE WHO ARE EAGERLY WAITING FOR THE "FINAL DESTINATION 4" FILM: (CAUTION! SPOILER!) ***EVERYONE DIES***. THE END.

22: DEAR THE KIDS WHO CHOOSE THE LIBRARY AS THEIR LOCATION OF HANGOUT AFTER SCHOOL GETS OUT: CONTRARY TO YOUR POPULAR BELIEF, THE LIBRARY IS NOT HOSTING THE GIGGLE-CON '09. YOU CAN MAKE WEIRD NOISES AND GIGGLE JUST ABOUT ANYWHERE ELSE. MEANWHILE MOST OF US ARE LOOKING FOR AWESOME BOOKS OR TRYING TO STUDY, AND ARE SHOOTING YOU DISDAINFUL LOOKS EVERY TIME YOU EXPLODE IN YET ANOTHER GIGGLEFEST. GO. SOMEWHERE. ELSE.

21: DEAR THE PEOPLE WHO ARE LISTENING TO COUNTRY MUSIC LOUDLY VIA THEIR HEADPHONES ON THE TROLLEY: I ACTUALLY HATE COUNTRY BUT YOU'RE MAKING ME LISTEN TO IT. WHY WOULD YOU EVEN DO THAT?

20: DEAR FIREFOX: YOU ARE OPENING UP A SECOND TAB. NOT FIFTEEN WEBPAGES AT ONCE. STOP FREAKING OUT.

19: DEAR MY PRE-CALCULUS TEACHER: WHILE I'M GOING TO INSIST THAT THIS ISN'T EXACTLY A COMPLAINT, I'M NOT SURE HOW MY GRADE WENT FROM AN A TO AN A+ DESPITE THE FACT I HAVEN'T DONE THE LAST THREE HOMEOWRK ASSIGNMENTS.

18: DEAR MOM: BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I DO *NOT* UPLOAD ALL OF THE CONTENT ON THE INTERNET, NOR AM I RESPONSIBLE FOR IT. MILLIONS UPON MILLIONS OF OTHER PEOPLE ARE ALL PUTTING STUFF OUT THERE, AND MOST OF DOESN'T LIVE UP TO YOUR G-RATED STANDARDS. PLEASE CALM DOWN AND STOP LOOKING AT MY SCREEN.

DEAR "FAN" OF COHEED & CAMBRIA:

WHY NOT TRYING TO LISTEN TO A DIFFERENT SONG, “WELCOME HOME” GETS ANNOYING AFTER 50 CONSECUTIVE PLAYS.

16: DEAR "GANGSTA" KIDS AT MY SCHOOL: DROP THE TESTOSTERONE. STOP STRUTTING AROUND AND TRYING TO PROVE YOU'RE THE SHIT. YOU'RE NOT, AND YOU'RE NOT IMPRESSING ANYBODY EXCEPT MAYBE THE OTHER "GANGSTAS" BUT AFTER HIGH SCHOOL YOU PROBABLY WON'T SEE ANY OF THEM EVER AGAIN SO WHAT'S THE POINT? YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. KIND OF SAD, HUH? LEARN WHO'S WORTH IMPRESSING.